I go to Sask for a skating competition. I come home, go to talkt o Jenaly on Skype and nics friend comes on. I tell her its me, and see a whole bunch of writing from the day before. Yeah, your damn straight its wrong of me to go look and see what it was, and I DONT KNOW WHY THE FUCK I DID. Because all it said was he's given up everything for me, and now he has no friends and I'm to fucking clingy. Fine.
I have a job interview tomorrow.
Ill get a job, save up a grand and give it to him for having to have put me through school for a year.
Then I can move out, live with my mom, save up more money and move again. I dont fucking need anyone. I feel like I'm going to puke. I literally ate nothing but JUNK this weekend and I feel disgusting. FUCK 115, FUCK 110 and FUCK 105. We're pushing 100, and god dammit I'm bound and determined to not eat right now til I drop at least 10. Fucking try me.
I dont understand. I'm not a bad person. I'm sitting her in a towel soaking wet and crying and I feel pathetic. I feel like ants are giants and I'm so fucking lost in this world. I dont know whats going to happen with working, I feel unstable right now. You cant depend on anybody, and my stupid self always lets my guard down. Why? You only get hurt in the end. Is it really my fault he has no friends now? Did I do that? I'm sorry if I did, it was never my intention. It wasnt. Nobody's forcing you to keep me around. I dont know how I feel right now, other than these tears sting my eyes and I think I'm going to throw up. I cant stand this.
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